Death to the Birther Issue

Pregnant Americans, fear not!  Should your bundle of joy turn out to be a bundle of joi, or glæde, or llo, or Freude, in other words, if you give birth abroad, your child is still a natural citizen of the United States.

The rules for automatic citizenship change occasionally, and the Constitution is a little vague on the subject (those short-sighted founders obviously did not recognize the superiority of paperwork and fees over simple language used in the generally understood way), but perhaps we can agree that if one had to undergo a naturalization process, one is not a natural citizen.  Natural citizens derive their citizenship from the facts of their births, not paperwork.

Apologies to Biden-lovers, then—in order to see your man in office, you must prove that contrary to all accounts, the current president’s mother, Ann Dunham, was not herself a natural citizen or did not reside in the United States for sufficient years.  Born in Kansas, she did not move out of the U.S. until she was 25.  Whether she gave birth in Hawaii, Kenya, or Pluto, Ann Dunham’s child would still be a natural citizen.

So take that prenatal vacation, ladies—your child can still grow up to be president!