“Kicking Donkey” – Dr. Stephen Finger in Canarsie Courier

The following was featured in, The Canarsie Courier –  June, 2010:  The Pointing Finger                                                 

                                                                            “Kicking Donkey”  by Dr. Stephen Finger

There once was a king who had many allergies. Constantly sneezing and complaining about the palace gardens, he often singled out one bush in particular as being the source of most of his, and the kingdom’s, problems.

One day, as he sat blowing his nose as instructed by the royal teleprompter, an aide entered, “Your majesty, we have a problem.”

“Ah-choo, ah-choo, ah-choo,” replied the King.

“No, Sire. This one’s yours. The gardener removed that awful bush over a year ago.”

“Oh. So? Nu? What’s the problem?” replied the King in the vernacular of most of his staff.

“Oil, sire.”

“Oilsire?”

“No, no. Oil…Sire. That’s two words.”

“Ah, I see,” said the King. “So, what’s the problem with the oil?”

“It’s leaking, your majesty, from a hole in the ocean.”

“Well, then, plug the damn hole!” shouted the King in uncharacteristically dramatic fashion.

[This was considered by the King’s staff, many of whom had attended some of the same fine schools as had the King himself, to be a very fine, useful, and insightful suggestion.]

After many failed attempts to stop the leak, the King decided that what his subjects really needed from him was a demonstration of compassion and masculinity. He needed to share their pain and show that he was strong. And he needed to stay out of the way of the people who were actually trying to stop the leak.

The King then told his subjects that he was going to get out there and ‘kick some donkey.’ The people were much confused by this since donkeys were, unlike most kings and queens and princes and princesses, considered to be…useful. But, a king is a king and so, when he called for experts to tell him just ‘whose donkeys needed to be kicked,’ the experts came and the king began kicking.

Eventually, the leak was stopped. The environment was restored almost to what it had been before the leak. The people marveled at what a compassionate and strong King they had. And the donkeys were, well, still useful but maybe a little sore.

Dr. Finger practices Medicine (Ear, Nose, and Throat) in Brooklyn, NY.  He ran for Congress on Libertarian and Republican lines in 2006 and has never kicked a donkey.