Crime Scene Tape Around Eliot Spitzer’s Pants

A few random morning-after thoughts on the Spitzer scandal:

As hinted at in yesterday’s post, I bought champagne for everyone at last night’s Manhattan Libertarian Party meeting to celebrate the downfall of The Sherriff of Wall Street. Really cheap champagne. You probably shouldn’t expect much from a $15 bottle of Russian bubbly, but it was even worse than it sounds. Especially since it was preceded and followed by pints of Guinness.

My schadenfreude over Client 9’s demise is tempered by the realization that soon-to-be Governor David Paterson will be no picnic. Granted, Paterson is not the bully that Spitzer is (Sonny Barger isn’t the bully that Spitzer is), but he’s more likely to be Sheldon Silver’s lapdog. At least Eliot offered some very modest resistance to our state legislatures wild spending and tax hike schemes. Paterson can be expected to roll over and give Silver and Bruno everything they want.

The New York Times has an excellent roundup of all the Spitzer jokes from the late-night comedians. David Letterman was truly inspired:

“Do you think it’s too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer?” David Letterman asked his New York audience on CBS. And then he was on a roll:

“The new scandal here in New York City, just breaking a couple of hours ago – Eliot Spitzer apparently involved in some kind of prostitution activities. You know what that means — hookers. And right about now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem.

“Did you happen to see the press conference? Very dramatic. Eliot Spitzer was there. He had yellow crime scene tape draped around his pants – crazy.

“Here’s what happened. It was one of those sting deals and they caught Spitzer – Governor Spitzer — with a wire soliciting a prostitute. I’m thinking, ‘Holy cow, we can’t get Bin Laden … but we got Spitzer. We got Spitzer!’ He apparently paid her an extra 100 bucks not to call him ‘Spitzer!’

“But here’s the lesson, ladies and gentlemen: This is why I always wear a fake mustache and pay cash. It’s the only way to go, if you’re going to get in trouble.

“The thinking now is that the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family.

“He’s caught now soliciting a hooker, but thank God, on the bright side, it did not involve an airport men’s room.”

Later, Mr. Letterman featured a Top 10 list of Eliot Spitzer Excuses:

10. “Oh come on, like you were never involved in a prostitution ring.”
9. “Hookers is fun.”
8. “Just trying to help the economy.”
7. “Have you ever been to Albany?”
6. “It’s part of my new MTV prank show, ‘Spitz’d.’”
5. “Haven’t been myself since Roy Scheider died.”
4. “Uh, tainted beef?”
3. “Whether it’s a hooker or your wife, you’re always paying for – you married fellas know what I’m talking about.”
2. “Wanted to be known as the Charlie Sheen of politics.”
1. “I thought Bill Clinton legalized this years ago.”

6 comments for “Crime Scene Tape Around Eliot Spitzer’s Pants

  1. October 29, 2010 at 9:43 pm

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  3. E5
    March 11, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    hmmm….. did Thompson reneg on a deal and conveniently omit that detail from his book?

    If so, Thompson would have violated the N.A.P. first… not that it excuses ANY means by the individual to get it back… even in an An-Cap society.

    And I have no idea why I am apologizing for the HA other than the fact that I browsed Sonny’s book on Amazon and thought it was really cool that he had a chapter with that name.

  4. March 11, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    That’s a fair point about Barger, and I stand corrected. I’m sure he’s no angel (pardon the pun), but I read his first book, and I’d sure rather have Barger as a neighbor than Spitzer.

    On the other hand, I also read Hunter Thompson’s _Hells Angels_, and the Angels stomped Hunter for no other reason than he wouldn’t give them a cut of his royalties. I don’t remember if Barger participated in the stomping.

  5. March 11, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    Surprised Letterman didn’t say anything about the anti-depressants and viagra in the water.

  6. E5
    March 11, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Sonny Barger isn’t a bully at all. In fact he’s quite libertarian.

    I would imagine that a majority of the Hell’s Angels bad press comes from instances where the gov’t was the one who breached the N.A.P first either via a drug or Income Tax law.

    He just chooses to be more of a Ragnar Danneskjöld when it comes with dealing with the gov’t oppressive drug laws, for example…

    His latest book has a chapter entitled: Cut Down on Criminals by Cutting Down On Laws.

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